Osteopathy

Today I had my first experience with Osteopathy. At first it seemed like so much quackery but as I listened to Nigel explain the process and felt the effect of the very gentle pressure that he placed on different points around the base of my skull and spine I changed my mind.

I have long believed in the irrevocable linkages between ones physiology and ones psychology. Everything that happens to the body influences the way we think and act - and every choice we make influences our bodies, health, and looks. We earn the face that we have at 50.

The new wrinkle for me was to consider our biology in an historical sense. If we say that our genes are the tangible building blocks (that we have so far discovered) then we need to consider that as well as coming from our parents they have been developed through thousands of years of internal and external influences on our ancestors and their associates. A kind of extreme view of nature and nurture. We are not just the product of our choices and genetics, but also of the choices and genetics of our history.

By extension then, our progeny and beyond are influenced by our actions and they we we choose to look after ourselves. In many ways care of our - what is the right word here - genus? - is equally important to care of the planet.

I have booked Edmund in for a session tomorrow as there may be benefits for the restoration of his brain.

Concussion

This morning we played Hockey against Logan's team. It was lots of fun, parents v kids. Edmund and James played for the kids and we all got into and enjoyed the run around. I was surprised how much fun it was and wished that I was much fitter. Just being able to run and accelerate would have made a huge difference instead of which I pulled a muscle in my calf.

Afterwards there was a morning tea and prizegiving for the kids. It was sunny and really nice to be part of a group. I'd like to invite them all around pre-Christmas for a pool barbecue.

Unfortunately I did manage to get knocked to the ground and clunk my head on the astroturf. For the rest of today I've been headachey, dizzy, nauseous, and I can't seem to knit properly (motor skills impacted). Luckily I haven't had to drive anywhere. This is concussion. Mild but no question that's what it is. Silly Mummy.

On the plus side, Nigel, the guy who knocked into me is an Osteopath and has offered me a free session to help me line up again. I mentioned to him that I had quit a stressful job on Friday as well so it was good time. He used an apt analogy of having lived next door to really awful neighbors for a long time and then one day coming home and finding out they are moving away. It's not that you conciously thought about how bad it was but now that they're going you have the wonderful sense of relief. Like getting over a cold, cleaning the windows - any of those things. So I plan to take him up on the offer - especially since I have a lot of flexibility during the day right now.

I've also found a good place to go for Yoga - it's just up the road in Remuera - elementa, it's down by Nature Baby and they do small groups on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Perfect for me, and I think a better fit to come home and do the dinner and then go out, rather than on the way home, or out at the airport.

Gardening Leave

Well, I've been and gone and done it. Monday will be my last appearance at Telecom and I will start at Auckland Airport on 13th October. The same day the boys go back to school. This does of course mean that for three of my four weeks off I will have boys.... but that's all good.

The idea, of course, is to use the time to be in the best possible state for this exciting new adventure - both in terms of my career, my new shape, and my personal development. It will also be a time to help Edmund with his thinking about the future. So - what are the things I want to achieve over the next month.

1. Front Garden dug out and replanted - probably with a reddish/goldish flax and some river stones to help keep the moisture in.
   
2. Knitting - Logan's blanket, socks for Mum and start something for me.
   
3. Sewing - bags, a couple of summer skirts, maybe a kimono style jacket?
   
4. Plant the pots in the back yard with some annuals - see I told you it was gardening leave.
   
5. Family overnight trip to Waitomo Caves and the Kiwihouse in Otorohonga
   
6. Tidy and organise the garage - well at least my part of it.
   
7. Keep the house tidy and the laundry up to date
   
8. Lots of walking
   
9. Plan and start some morning exercises to get ready for weight loss.
   
10. Healthy (and small portion) eating
    
11. Daily weigh chart
    
12. Take the car in for a service and book the panel beating for early November.
    
13. 1,2, and 5 yr plans, maybe Edmund will do this with me
    
14. Reading. HBR's, Negotiation book.
    
15. Find out more about airport and LVMH.
    
16. Lunch at Soul with my buddies.
    

Found Insights

Clearing our my books I've found a revealing page that I've titled reflection on Day One. I suspect is was after the first day of Team Leadership Mastery with Trevor Laurence.

Italics are added,

Surprising
The a ha moment around the fundamental immportance of character and how important it is to me that it's inherent in my leader and peers. My reaction to the 'yet again' profile which continues to highlight the same areas for improvement that have been there for 20 years. (i.e. it was surprising I was suprised)

Challenging
Chris's (New) comments regards my abilities and assertion that I would be one of the first 5-6 people he would have in his team. Am I up to that?

Finding the Perfect Job Not sure what I meant by this - maybe that it's a hard road to find one/

Relevant
The importance of surrounding myself with people with complementary skills. My realisation that I can find people with the skills that I can work with and learn from and who weill help me. Just because we are are different there doesn't need to be a butting of heads or lack of communication.

WIP's

Logan's Blanket - Patchwork of bright colours, some with textures, some striped, a little bit of intarsia and LOGAN spelled out across the diagonal. Blue Sky Alpaca's Dyed Cotton, Worsted Weight, 4.5m Knit Picks Harmony Circs

Socks - that will be for Mum's birthday. Koigu, greens, pinks and magenta. Falling leaves pattern from Interweave Socks. 2.5m Addi Lace Needles. Lovely to knit. Top Down, STar Toe

The Case for Quality

This morning as I was driving in to work - and thinking about my crammed wardrobe and the many unwanted knitted things I've been generating - I made the case for quality in my head. I've recently moved to investing knitting time only in learning and seeing or committing to a quality project that I know will work out well and be used and abused - such as blankets for the boys and socks.

I drove past Scotties and thought about how much better I always feel about the two or three 'go to' outfits that I reach for as I know they will make me feel more me. Investment dressing does make sense.

Then at work this morning Jo V is wearing a stunning coat (Chloe) that she got from New to U for $400. It had been bought for $1600 and not worn even once. Lucky Jo. But also not luck - the sense to see and buy quality at a reasonable price.

How we invest both our money and our time should be in a considered way. These are the decisions that we do not regret. And it's not about taking time - some very good decisions are made in an instant - but they are always in line with our values and aspirations. Impulse buying, eating, loafing, where we fell in to it through boredom or loneliness or a drop in self esteem - these are the actions that we look back and feel faintly nauseous about.

Then I re-read Merlin's post on the case for lifting our game in all our art. As I consider my art to be my life, in all it's facets, it's a validation for the case for quality. A life well lived, parking those dirty choices until it becomes a habit not to even consider the easy options.



Which is much the same as the thoughts that have been coming to mind as I've been reading The Speed of Trust by Stephen M R Covey

Ego's

There are so many subtle and not so subtle ways that people seek to deposition other people.

• Making people wait for appointments (is happening to me right now).


• Standing and walking around while others are seated.


• Multi-tasking such as texting or e-mailing - these people are more important than you are.


• Playing chicken - pushing the other person to the line until they break and, say, get up and do the dishes or volunteer for a project that they really can't accommodate.

The bigger question is why? Like most bullying I guess it comes back to a self esteem issue but it's also important to remember that what may seem as a slight (such as being kept waiting) from one angle may be unconcious on the other - they may genuinely be running over time, or need time to collect their thoughts.



So as usual, issues on all sides.



I do want to think a bit more about the concept of ego though. And by that I really mean egotism; self-importance and conceit. The antithesis of humility which has often been defined as one of the core attributes of successful leaderhip. Interestingly conceit has the same root as deceit.



A level of egotism obviously helps support the drive, self assuredness and competitiveness than can assist in leading. I am certainly not without vanities of my own. These are generally around taking the high ground in terms of managing others, the customer experience or strategy. I need to keep working on these and being concious is the first step. At the same time though, I do have skills in all of these areas and need to be contributing my strengths. How do I do this with humility. Lots of questions, praise when people are on the right track, redirecting when they may not have explored all the options. Valuing diversity of opinion and being open to views through other lenses is also important. Things in business are increasingly ambiguous and is is unconscionable to think one has all the answers.


And building trust through small closed loops so that when I do need to put my foot down there is a feeling that it is a considered and thought through decision.

So I made a mistake. And I'm OK about admitting it. I get the Paul Wilson thing - he is good with people - probably a massive RI. His offbeat comments are a factor of the way his mind works. He randomly asked me "do you wake up every morning with your head spinning with ideas?" and got it when I said "yes, of course, what's your point?". While there is unquestionably buckets of egotism it's likely that what I have taken as arrogance has more likely been simply distraction.

Paul also picked up that I have another offer on the table and asked that I make sure I let them know if this becomes an issue. I'm holding on to the thought that timing wise everything will work out.

Steps and Plateaus

There is the saying that Travel is endless hours of doing nothing punctuated by brief periods of manic activity. And really much of life is like that. We see children accumulate overnight new skills such as balance or putting words together to make sentences and then plateau while they consolidate ready for the next phase.

This week is a busy week for me, when some of the outstanding questions may become clearer. Things like how much would the airport be prepared to pay me? Do Gen-i see me in the ICT Operations role? Salary? What will my new boss look like? Will I like him?

OK - so yes I do. He's a lovely man and his sons are at school with James. Spooky.

A nearing of clarity focuses the mind in some unexpected ways too. All of a sudden you start to appreciate the empty spaces in your diary instead of seeing them stretching out endlessly as ennui. Now I'm well into things - personal reflection, organisation, goal setting all the drama.

Still no closer to a decision though - but I won't make one until I have all the info.

Choices

“We are all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale. Most of these choices are on lesser points, - however, we define ourselves by the choices we have made. We are in fact, the sum total of our choices.
Events unfold so unpredictably, so unthoroughly. Human happiness does not seem to have been included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that gives meaning to the indifferent Universe…
…And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying, and even find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more.”

-- Woody Allen, “Crimes and Misdemeanors”



Well, impossible to say it better than that.

I find I am faced by choices - the exact nature of some are yet to crystallise.
Stay or Go, Spend or Save, Surgery or Struggle.

Stay or Go
I had a really successful meeting last night with Nick Forbes and the team out at the airport. The role has been better defined. It's to manage the Duty Free, the Travelex, and the Indoor Outdoor Media. It's the biggest part of the portfolio (70% of revenue) and to me the most interesting. Lots of challenges - not least about how to manage the commitment to the commerce commission to maintain at least two Duty Free options until 2015. It will be important also to understand the relationships between the Duty Free parent, the on ground team, and the distribution pressure - e.g Does the shared parent of LVMH influence DFS to favour Chanel vs Estee Lauder.

and do you know - Simon has always been very good to me. He is a known quantity. And there will be opportunities opening up - there has to be with three of the leadership team moving on and the organisational changes that Simon will want to stamp as a signal of change.

Nick was interesting. He quite baldly said - "18 months ago if you had said to me that you like change I would have discouraged you from taking the role. Now that's not the case." He struck me as a very straightforward, smart, capable man, and given that he is moving on without artifice or an agenda of his own.

I've just had a coffee with Jennifer Witchlow from PWC and went through my dilemna. To decide whether or not to leave London and fly to New Zealand with no job, no house, nothing but herself she ended up flipping a coin. We both agreed though that a coin toss could validate an existing gut decision. If it didn't we would rationalise - go 2 out of 3 - or reproof ourself that a coin toss was no way to make such a momentous decision.

It's certainly a good way to prove out what your gut is telling you.

The case for staying. Apart from the $ - which to be fair is yet to crystallise.

It would be fun to turn around the culture of ICT Operations. And personally rewarding. It would keep my management/coaching muscle well exercised. I am a good leader and this is a chance to prove it out without having the pre-existing specific knowledge (or any handicapping preconceptions). I would get a great deal of support from some really excellent people - Mel and her new tea, Doug, the Sales people, hopefully Peter Finch. The new GM may be someone I really bond with and can learn a lot from. Once someone delivers for CQ he is loyal. It's a strike for common sense and validates the efforts put in here at GACD over the last couple of years. I have a well established network and opportunities will continue to open up at such a large organisation.

It sounds so weak and gutless compared with striking out on a new challenge to be part of an organisation on the move.

So how much is happiness worth.

Surgery vs Struggle
There are a lot of very fat people around. Many are much bigger than me. Though that doesn't make it right. Is it a self indulgence to want to improve my chances of good health for the rest of my life. Is not to do it simply churlish - spitting in the face of the fortunate position I am in whereby I have a choice.
I can eat a lot less - it hasn't been difficult over the last few weeks. It's just about awareness. But I am hungry nearly all the time and often have the feeling I could snap in a moment of weakness. To do away with this would be immensely powerful.

I really do enjoy moving my body - I love Yoga, stretching and walking, feeling strong. But I feel clumsy with my enormous bust and tummy, I tire ridiculously quickly. Removing 20kg will make it so much easier to focus on fitness and really enjoy it. Summer is coming making it much easier to carve out the time, then, once the habit is formed to continue with it.

Aside - reinventing myself with the airport job can only be good here.


Indulge myself with a convertible?
Only if I get a redundancy cheque.

WIP's

James' Blanket
Edmund's Blanket
Auburn Camp Shirt
Pink and Green Socks

These are genuine on the needles WIP's. The most active is James' Blanket which should be finished this week.

Personalities

People are all so different. But on a continuun of people, I'm actually pretty OK.

Generally when I struggle with building a relationship with someone, others that I respect and like have the same challenges. In the past I would have assumed it was me - I don't do that any more. And, interestingly once the conversations opens up I pretty quickly find it's not me.

Sam just asked me if I get on with CQ. My response was "does anyone?". He chuckled because he had been thinking it was all him. Nup.

We talked about the difference between working for Simon - where you knew exactly where you were. Margin is too tight, not spending any cpaex there. Sometimes the messages weren't palatable but you definitely knew what you needed to do. Sam had taken a pack up to CQ for approval and left the room with no feel for whether it was good, bad, understood, or if he was out of a job.

On balance we all agreed we prefer to know where we are with people.

What drives authenticity? Why do some people immediately relate as genuine - even if you don't agree with them, you can see where they are coming from and admire their integrity in their own beliefs. Others, not so much. But what is the behaviour they are exhibiting that gives you this impression?

Eye contact or lack of? Maybe
Prevarication
Lack of self-esteem/self-awareness manifesting as over confidence
Damning others with faint praise
Too much rhetoric - but equally too many facts can give a bad impression
A lack of humbleness is a big one

So I'm seeing it is the ingredients of personal leadership.

What impressions do I leave:

I definitely get the genuinely care tick
I hope I get the humbleness - I certainly don't beleive I have all the answers
I try not to complain or gossip - but don't always succeed
I do prevaricate when I've been caught out - note to self - don't put self in a position of being caught out.
Honesty?
Sense of Humour

Creating space for others to grow. That is a goal I do aspire to.

Family Dates

This weekend Andy and I went looking at cars and we test drove a VW EOS (definitely my aspirational vehicle). On the way home I commented "It's fun to do things together" and Andy turned and smiled and said quite seriously and with affection "It is, eh".

So we must do more together. Out of the house.

Then in the evening Edmund reminded me that I had committed to spending one on one time with each of the boys. And I have, and I do. But I need to get more visible about this, and more planned. Putting things up on the calendar or making an ideas box.

Eden Gardens, Museum, Beach, Albany, Movies, Cafe, Kite flying, dog borrowing.

Being Wanted

Met with CQ who sees me as a serious contender for the ICT Ops role and "would tell me if I didn't". Good news I guess - though obviously I've also heard that he has put through an external CV. We did agree that what is needed is a people manager prepared to face conflict, not a salesperson (James, Carl?) or a technical lead as this should come from the CIO. The role is implementation and operation not relitigation.

Then - the Airport phone for me to urgently meet with Nick Forbes. Meeting is tomorrow at 5pm.

How quickly things change and best I get my IF ... THEN plan sorted out.

Waiting

I don't like waiting.

Stephanie Pearl-McPhee puts it really well when she busts the myth about knitters being patient. Knitters so aren't patient - that is why we knit - to make the waiting more bearable.

I am waiting.
I am waiting to see whether there is a future career here for me here at Gen-i, and if so, what it is and my thoughts on the opportunity that it presents.
I am waiting to see whether there is a job offer coming for me at the Airport. Or whether I am overqualified for the role (and underqualified for the more senior GM role).
I am waiting to see if any other job opportunities - internal or external - come into my view.
I am waiting to make up my mind on bariatric surgery. I think I have nothing to lose - certainly I don't seem to be having any problems eating less.
I am waiting.
...and waiting.

This morning I dug out a spreadsheet I prepared as part of my life coaching last year. Frances had asked me to list all the attributes of my perfect role and rate them "Must Have" and "Nice to Have". It was an exercise in itself coming up with the attributes. We grouped them into the following categories:
Hygiene - Table stakes such as physical environment.
Context - How I align within the organisation
Strengths - Which of my strengths does the role draw on, is it a fit?
Boss - How do I prefer to be managed? What type of manager will help me be my best?
Development - Opportunity for me to learn and grow.
Brand - Alignment with Brand Sally

If things were Must Haves or Needs to develop and were available in the proposed position they got a 2, Nice to Haves or Wants got a one. Things that aren't a factor in the proposed role - e.g. Scale at the Airport position they score a 0. The full list is saved in my Google Docs.

The Upshot is that the Airport role scores higher than staying here. This method does underweight the $ issue but the gap is significant in terms of what I need personally so I think I'm on the right track. Perhaps I could assign, say $10K to every point to weight up the importance of the package. Similarly, something could be done in terms of time - how much of the day is spent travelling; how much time away from home is there.